Abyss
by Judith121189
Summary: Those who stare in the darkess, will surely be torn asunder. SI OC
1. Place

I don't own Naruto. I'm just writing some fanfiction!

_'When you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back a you'-Nietzsche _

_There isn't a flower. Perhaps that should have been a sign. Sarutobi Sumiko rubbed her bulging belly in soothing circles. Despite the blood dripping down her legs she continued to scan the decaying field. The child would be born soon and she couldn't find any flowers. The garden was filled with ashes and though she had toiled away, the earth had yet to recover. Kneeling in the dry soil, Sumiko began to dig again ignoring the stinging of her fingers. Dirt embedded itself underneath her nails but she continued painstakingly. _

_ Deeper and deeper she carelessly tossed away rocks and dried weeds till she was satisfied with the depth and width of her hole. She could hear her name being called in the distance. Her cousins were probably searching for her. Again, she had wandered off uncaring of supervision. She was so lost in her madness she couldn't respond. There wasn't a flower. There should have been a flower. She had to make a flower. Sumiko mound the soft under earth in a pile. Her brown eyes unblinking, she began to remove her soiled undergarments and crouched over the earth. _

_ "He would have wanted a flower." December, two months after the Kyuubi unleashed it's fury on Konoha, Sarutobi Sumiko gave birth to her daughter Sarutobi Yu. _

I was three when I realized I had to take care of myself. I had to be strong. From the moment the soft bones in my neck could support my head I was moving. Whether it was cleaning myself up or procuring supplies, I had to do it. By then, except for some very concerned cousins no one came to check up on me. I got a huge bag of white rice and a basket of mixed vegetables Sunday the start of every week. Every two weeks an uncle or aunt would come around with a slab of meat and a small stipend for toiletries.

They'd ask me to open my mouth and checked my weight. A particularly skilled visitor would sometimes run a medical diagnostic jutsu on me, but none would ever make small talk. Conversations were usually what I ate, If I ate enough, Do I have any injuries? And the like. Sometimes while we were on the porch they might hear a crash or something shattering back in the house. Their eyes would flicker to the front door and quickly back at me. Newbies couldn't keep the twitch of pity that colored their expressions. Veterans never looked out back. When it was over They'd always say the same thing.

"Someone will be round. In two weeks time." Inside the house I cooked meals. Precariously teetering on chairs sometimes I'd make the food we'd eat. Though I was a child I was expected to run the house. Sumiko, my mother had lost her mind sometime ago. Usually docile I could coax her into doing the things I couldn't. On good days, I would have Sumiko clean and read me books with difficult kanji.

When she was completely sane she was a wonderful scholar that loved to teach history. She'd tell tales of Ninja exploits and the founding of Konoha. Despite her infamous title of being crazy and what not, she really could be a wonderful teacher. On her bad days she would stay in her room staring out at the modest garden she somehow remained lucid enough to keep. Particularly nasty days had her destroying stuff in what I liked to call her 'stress room.' She never hurt me though, just pictures and clothes. I think they belonged to Tadaka, my late father.

Sumiko was always lovely in the evenings though. No matter what her day was like, in the evenings after a meal we'd crawl into the futon together and she'd just hold me. She was always 'pure' during evenings. In her arms, petting my dark hair like her own, she'd apologize and weep sometimes. I'd know then my mother was still alive inside and remorseful of the things was doing and the things she wasn't. She'd fall asleep after talking in length about Tadaka and the past. A soft smile would be on her face then. Comforted by her dreams, she was my mother best then.

This routine was unbroken until I turned five. By then I wore glasses from eye strain I developed from pouring over the scrolls and tomes of text Sumiko had kept. A day like any other had me folding laundry. In the garden Sumiko muttered to herself while tending to her flowers. It had been a week and a half since my last check up when there was a knock like a casual fist pound at the door. I paused to garner the reaction of Sumiko (Loud noises tended to upset her.) and went to answer it.

Smoking his trademark cigarette my uncle Asuma stood there. "Hey kiddo, mind if I hang around a bit?" With a glance out back I let him in. Asuma was courteous enough to snuff out the but and flick it into the trashcan on his way in. He sank down onto an old sofa and gave a curious glance around. I flushed at the mess, before rushing to clean up my scattered scrolls on chakra theory and cartography. Asuma gave a dry laugh. "Yu, it's fine really. My room is worse."

Yu, was another memento from my mother. As the story goes when I was an infant Sumiko couldn't really engage in proper conversation. She talked rarely, pointed and referred to things with the simplest words. Things were _this_ or _that_. When addressing her baby, me, she'd degenerate to you. "Hey _you_. _You_, over here. _You_ drink it." Eventually _You_ became _Yu_. "I could make tea?" I offered. Uncle waved his hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it." He seemed to contemplate something before coaxing me over.

"You're really five now huh?" There was a far away look in his eyes. He seemed to remember himself then and ruffled my short hair fondly. "Listen, you're a smart kid so I won't beat around the bush. The old man and I think it's time for you to enroll in the academy." There was a dull scraping noise as the backdoors slid open. Uncle adjusted his eyes to trail Sumiko as she carried her water can pass us. She gave me a closed eyed fleeting smile, filled her can up and was back out the door again. I waited a few moments before looking at uncle. "You want me to leave her, alone?"

I stepped back reflexively. "I can't! Being out all day, who's going to look after Sumiko?!" Uncle glance outside to the woman oblivious to the goings on. He ignored my question and pose one of his own. "Is she always like this now? The last time I was here she wasn't even around." He turned back to me. "I can't leave her. She needs me." Asuma sighed and reached for his for his flak jacket pocket. "The council has decided she needs long term care."

"They decide? And who are they? Their not here to help her! Or to see when she's well. When she's happy she's perfect." Uncle stood up and took deliberate steps toward the back of the house. I scampered after him. He stopped in front of the 'stress room'. "And this?" He flung open the door to Sumiko madness. Overturned furniture lay in pieces. Cushions were tore open like gutted fish. Cotton was littered about like snow. The windows were boarded up, though slivers of sunlight illuminated the dark interior.

It was written on the walls again. _**There isn't a flower. There should be a flower. A field. It needs a flower, needs a flower field. Today again, no flowers. A flower bloomed in the garden. There isn't a flower. Today my flower made breakfast. Tadaka planted seeds. It tore them out. IT TORE IT OUT. Cannot get out. There were flowers spread out. Roses, daisies, lilies. He got the from Yamanaka? I ate the flowere. There isn't a fl- **_

I slammed the door shut abruptly. "That's no ones business. That belongs to her and her alone." Uncle chewed the end of a cigarette. "The hospital can care for Sumiko. They have staff that can treat her illness. She can get better, than come home. They just want to hel-"

"Help? Help who? Me? Her?" I glared defiantly back up at him. "Or themselves? Now that I'm of age they have to keep the machine going huh? Need new sheep to the slaughter? I'm not stupid. Konoha needs ninja. Even if I don't want to be." I deflated drooping my shoulders weakly. "What if I don't want to be a ninja? Then it can be like always. Right?" The look on his face was akin to pity. His eyes flickered in the dim hallway with sympathy. "Your name is Sarutobi Yu. As a Sarutobi you have and obligations to this clan, village, and Hokage."

That ended the arguments. A week later I saw Sumiko off at a long term psychiatric facility and watched my grandfather the Hokage preside over entrance ceremonies. I made a promise to myself then. Someday, I find out who was responsible. Resposible for what yet? I didn't know.

So I decide to get on the bandwagon and create an SI OC. I've read a lot of them and hope, that Yu will turn out completely different. I'll do my best!


	2. Observe

"Why did you become a ninja?" There was a pause. "Because someone forced me. Someone said you were born to a clan, you have to follow in the steps of your predecessors. No, no...it was because of this village. Because it existed, I was required to serve it. Then why? If your children are born to die do you even have them in the first place?!"

_I'm done talking now. I better keep my thoughts to myself._

"You don't need to be frightened." _Aren't you cute? Do you really believe the things you say? Of course we should be afraid. That's because monsters exist. Not just outside the walls, but inside too. Whole families are devoured. Eating, the greedy gorge themselves. And pride? It totally consumes. _

"Many of you will graduate from this institution to become ninja and proudly serve village." _You have no choice. If you try and run we will find you. We'll put your name down in a book and leave you to those wolves They're awfully hungry. How much are you worth? They'll ask. _

**_April, The year of Kyuubi. _**

_"They all make me so happy!" Sarutobi Sumiko smiled throwing her arms over the shoulders of her husband Tadaka from behind. "I think becoming a teacher was the greatest thing I've ever accomplished." Tadaka slurped up some noodles and gave a small smile. "Better than being a ninja?" Sumiko pursed her lips sulking. She removed her arms and sat across from her husband. _

_"I only ever had administrative duties anyway. I can't really fight you know." She smiled embarrassed. "I'm lucky my application for leave was accepted. Even though it's a temporary contract I'm happy." Tadaka peered at her from over his bowl._

_"Ah, it's because we have these peaceful times right now. I'll miss the money. The money was good." He laughed and set his empty bowl down with a thump. Sumiko slapped his hand with a damp dishrag. "Like we need it!" They both chuckled. Tadaka picked up his bowl to take it to the sink. "Oh you can leave it, I got it." _

_Accepting her generosity, he peeked out of the window. Over head, darkened clouds rolled in. "Rain again?" Sumiko joined his side and slipped an arm around his waist. Tadaka pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "It's good for the flowers. Again, the Lavender will bloom." _

_**Now **_

"I hope you all gain something from your experiences." With a smile that stretched the liver spots on his face, my grandfather finished the welcoming speech. After a hardy round of applause, the hokage stepped from off the modest platform and into the throng of the crowd. He spoke to the parents of the new applicants. Civilian families were star struck. I assumed to them, the equivalent of meeting your president could only compare.

I didn't really understand why civilians would ever want to be a ninja. From what anyone with any ties to a ninja village understood, the mortality rate of ninja was severely high. That increased significantly if you came from a civilian family. When you were a civilian everything you learned had to be self taught through trial and error. You didn't have any cousins you could emulate. Nor, like the clan families, did you have an extended family that encouraged studying. I think it really came down to preparedness. Civilians only had stories. Ninja families had missing limbs...if you were lucky.

While they shook grandfathers' hand, I wondered did they really understand what their child might be heading toward? Or was it that the allure of money so strong some of the poorer families didn't care. Whatever the reason you could pick out the civilian kids like crumbs on a carpet. They really stood out that much. All wide eye and nervous, they'd peer around their new surrounds with all the curiosity of a puppy. Even then they really couldn't keep that tiny glimmer of excitement out of their eyes.

They ninja children looked vastly different. Learning from their parents they had already begun to inherit a mentality of sink or swim. You could see it in on their faces. It had practically been beaten in all but a handful of them. They appraised their peers, looking down at them from upturned noses.

The Hyuuga and Uchiha present were by far they worst of the bunch. While some at least tried to mask their disdain, they openly scowled and glared at others. Standing apart from the other clans in their fancy expensive robes, they even shamed other clans.

The academy was difficult. While the curriculum wasn't anything to difficult, I never really had much of a head for math. Besides the basics I couldn't care less for the subtleties of geometry that would crop up in other lessons. Watching daily, the smiles of my deluded classmates was taxing.

Completely intoxicated on dreams of grandeur, they chose to ignore the glaring problems that would soon dot their futures. Admittedly, I'm sure some probably did understand that being a ninja wasn't all fun and games. It's not like the Chunin instructors tried to make that obvious though.

In the mornings before class started things were almost calm. In that period, in the grassy field in front of the school things were...normal. Children dropped of by their guardians would run up to one another. Eagerly they'd converse the happenings of yesterday or last night. An unaware passerby probably couldn't tell the difference between this school and the basic education civilian one.

Inside? Where that's when the circus started. I think Chunin were taught that the easiest ways to make loyal ninja was to indoctrinate them at very young ages. I'd grow to learn brain washing was best then. My instructor was a Chunin by the name of Mizuki. He taught group B.

Aside from myself and a boy from the Kurama clan, it was made entirely up of civilian children. The class was larger than A group and didn't bother to have arena styled seating. Everything was leveled and tidy. Mizuki would appear in a puff of smoke or a swirl of leaves. A chorus of Oohs and Ahs would serenade him. He'd then take his place at the lecture podium and begin.

"The ability to appear and disappear at will is an import advantage to have as a ninja. Ninja should only be seen when needed. Everything about us otherwise, like on a mission should remain anonymous." He'd take a moment to try and make eye contact with the enraptured youth. "Today's lesson to that end will be about stealth." Blah, Blah and once more Blah.

I deserved a metal because the effort it took to keep from rolling my eyes was physically painful. The day would progress similarly to the mornings. Mizuki would 'wow' the class and the children eager to learn would do just about anything he wanted. I suppose if you were a teacher a well behaved class is exactly all you could hope for.

My class was by far the most well behaved between groups A and B. During recess, when the two mingled you could see the Chunin Iru-something always scolding one of his students. At times it might be the legion of fangirls that followed the Uchiha brat around. He'd try and lecture the pineapple haired Nara(who apparently napped a lot) but that took too much effort. Daily though a scrawny blonde name Naruto was usually his target. If it wasn't for the fact you could sometimes hear him screaming from his own classroom I wouldn't even know his name.

I think it was all the clan buster that encompassed group A. If group B was almost all civilians, group A boosted a significant number of clan children. After about three months worth of time I found out why. It happened one afternoon when I decided the sunshine was too harsh to try and play out in. Ninja are incredibly powerful for sure, but equally stupid in measure.

A child my age could easily wander around unnoticed. It wasn't because I was some super prodigy that could mask my chakra, no. It was because children my age barely had the reserves to register as a blip on the radar. I quickly learned so long as I didn't make any loud noises(breathing and or otherwise) and stayed out of sight, things got interesting.

"So the generation of graduates this year are looking pretty good." Sitting with my legs folded up in a storage closet was my favorite passtime. "Yeah, the genin corps and courier squads have got to be pretty happy with all the perspective recruits." I pulled languidly at a loose thread on my shirt. "Hey now, some of them will make squads. You better train hard or they'll soon surpass you."

Someone choked on a gulp of water. After a coughing fit, they cleared their throat with a hardy bark of laugher. "Who? Prodigies they are not. I haven't seen a more pathetic group of graduates since...well never!" There was a shuffle of footsteps that walked pass my hideaway. "Oh yeah? What about freshmen group B. They were so useless we just lumped em' all together." Something in the closet scuttled across my bare toes and I squinted in the dark to find it.

"Group B is slated for genin corps. Hell the whole class was made up of so much wastes of effort the council pressured Hokage-sama into separating them." A cockroach twitched its antenna, perched on my knee it stilled at ease. "Did you know he dumped some poor sacrificial kids in the class?" The voices were beginning to fade now.

"Yeah his on granddaughter and some Kurama kid." I strained my ears to hear the rest over the bell that signalled breaks end. "Kurama? I didn't know we had any of those even left." A few minutes of silence past before I eased of the closet. I brushed the bug off my knee disgustinged.

It hit the floor on it's back legs thrashing widely, it desperately tried to right itself. In the sunlight that gently streamed from the curtains I watched the six legs wiggling helplessly. I glanced at it disinterested in it's plight before a ghost of a smile covered my face.

"Sorry, only the strong survive." Then I crushed it under my sandal authoritatively. I ground my foot deeply into the polished wood before leaving the room. I paused only to scrape my foot against the doorway. I didn't much care that I had been put in a 'remedial group'. Nor was I even offended that grandfather or the other teachers didn't really believe in my potential. I walked back to the class Mizuki taught at a leisure pace. I didn't really want to be a ninja anyway.

The only thing I had to do was **survive**.

**Thanks for the review! And you're right Three is to young to be cooking probably. I'll have to go back and edit that. First I at least want to post chapter 3. Yu is in for it. I don't need her to be strong. Just a master at manipulation. I wanted her to be different from all the 'good' SI OC. You'll see as time goes by. Thanks for reading!**


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